Own Your Life

I have been thinking a lot recently about how people achieve large scale success. I am talking Oprah.  Richard Branson.  Elon Musk.  Deep down I know they are no better than any of us.  But yet they have innovated a life that has defied all expectations. They are leaving a legacy that will last generations.  And it all started with the belief that they could.

Maye we truly are what we believe.

Let me tell you a personal story. When my dad died when I was 19 and my mom fell into grief and would lock herself in the bedroom for days at a time leaving my sister and I to fend for ourselves I thought I was alone. That NO ONE had been through what I was going though. How could I graduate from college and live my life when I had been through so much loss? How could I deserve to pull away from my family struggles in order to better myself? Guys, it was hard. I had to BELIEVE my life could be better. That I deserved to live my life even though it meant leaving the life I knew.

I want to tell you today – don’t let your past OWN you. Step in and own the full progress and trajectory of your life! You have no idea what your legacy will be. There is nothing that anyone who’s living on earth has ever felt or known or experienced on a soul level that hasn’t been felt or known or experienced by someone else.

One of the most difficult things in life is feeling that you are the only one. That you are the only one who’s traveled this path, who’s felt this way. But it is those people who rise above those feelings and know how to course correct, how to keep going and never quit.  They have faith in the bad and aim for the future.  They are the ones that change the trajectory of their life.

You can own your life. Till the day you die you are growing. You are creating. Don’t sell yourself short because of self-limiting thoughts. When you keep inputting positivity, there is no room for negativity.

Own your life.

The Joy of a Quiet Mind

I am naturally a quiet person. I remember as a kid the teacher going to my mom “she is bright but prefers to eat and play by herself.”  And I did.  It wasn’t till middle school and hormones that I realized there was a gender called boys, and that social norms dictated I hang with girls and talk.  It was a hard stage for me.  Thank god you only have to live through high school once.   College hit and I found my balance of socialization and internal solitude. I learned how to balance both.

But with today’s digital age we are so afraid of the quiet. We fill every waking moment with noise or light.  We stay more connected then ever with those around us through social media.  We like to tell everyone we are “too busy” because we put our kids in after school activities and sports that in turn invade our weekends.   We are plugged in more than ever to the news and pinterest has made our cooking endeavors into an Olympic sport.  And what is all this gaining us?  We are all more tired than ever!

Why are we so afraid of the quiet? When I drive I normally don’t turn on the radio.  No audiobooks or podcasts either.  I love the few minutes of stillness (other than your daily traffic) that my car provides me.  I use the time to think and process my day or just let my mind wander.   I find my creativity increases the more time I am able to spend in these quiet solitudes.

Back in 1999 which happened to be a year after my dad died, I had the opportunity to travel to South America and visit Machu Picchu in Peru. It was magical.   In the quiet of those majestic mountains my soul was able to truly rest and heal.  To just be.  A great vacation can do that.  Soothe your soul and body and rejuvenate your spirit.  How do we bring this ability home?

I say embrace your quiet! You can meditate yes, or start yoga.  But it doesn’t even have to be all that in the beginning.  Just be.  Sit and turn off the noise around you and try and live in the moment.  There is so much strength and wisdom to be gained in the quiet.  You see, stillness allows your brain to process all that “noise” that blankets us during the day.  Your body and mind in turn will clear and your joy will increase!

Try it. Practice just “being.”

The Holiday Breakdown

I cried in the Dunkin Donuts drive thru line this morning.

It started innocent enough. A image of my dad holding his coffee mug while shuffling to his home office and my mom yelling at Cindy and I to run to the car as we will be late AGAIN for school ran through my mind as I waited for my coffee and bagel breakfast.   But then I thought about Omi’s Christmas cookies, and how dad would hoard his cookie tin from all of us because he loved to drink his coffee while eating them. And how on Christmas Eve mom would make us take naps so “Santa” would come and when we woke up we would open presents before heading to church that evening. Santa always came on Christmas Eve at our household. Maybe because we had to drive two hours on Christmas Day to see dad’s relatives. Santa was on a timeline you know.

I miss them. My parents. My sister and I were talking over Thanksgiving how memories are growing thin, especially with dad. 18 years now since he died. He would have loved Bryce. Bryce loves trains just like he did. They would have bonded over that.   The funny thing though is the year before his death was hard. We were not close as a family. Mom and dad had just moved us from South Jersey to North Jersey and the transition didn’t go well. Mom would spend all day in the bedroom depressed and dad would sit at night alone in the basement playing his old vinyls. And the fights. So intense between them. And then all of a sudden he died. Less than a year after we moved. Just like that. No nice ending, no goodbyes. No I am sorry and I love you please don’t leave me. It was bad and then it was over. And mom fell apart. Her depression, along with her injuries from the car accident left her unable to care for us emotionally. She never recovered. And with it our relationship with her never recovered. When she died in 2015 Cindy and I were only talking to her sporadically. When I got the call from the hospital at 1:00 AM saying she had passed I remember screaming in my head “NO! I never was able to fix us! It cannot end like this!” But it did. It ended messy, with no kodak moment goodbye like I had envisioned for us.

But oh do I miss them. Because before it was bad it was oh so good. My sister and I had a great childhood. Mom and dad loved us and provided for us. We lived in our little bubble in South Jersey where we had a pool and a dog and during the summers we would swim all day and play too many video games. And along with our other relatives, holidays, birthdays and vacations were amazing. We had fun as a family. So that is what I choose to remember. The good.

As Bryce gets older I am starting to incorporate family traditions from my childhood. This year we are doing one of those chocolate advent calendars with him. Last night while opening the little door and extracting the chocolate prize I clearly remember doing that with my sister and mom. I love that I am passing it down. Because in the end those family traditions are what you will remember when you start crying in the Dunkin Donuts drive thru at 7:30 AM on a Thursday.

Life is messy. We all will have regrets when it comes to our family and life choices. But you can’t let it consume you. I encourage all of you out there who are challenged by the holidays to just embrace the good. Hold on to those good memories. And create new ones where you can.

 

Just Put on Your Damn Swimsuit

Recently I have been seeing a lot about body positivity on Facebook, Instagram and various news outlets.  It seems like Millennials especially are embracing the movement and plus size models are becoming more mainstream. Fat is now a thing apparently.

I have almost always been overweight. As a teenager it was awful because back then in the “old” days of the early 1990’s, there just wasn’t that many clothing options for teenagers past the size of 10 (Remember the store 5-7-9?  Yeah, I never could shop there either).  I would go to the mall and stare forlornly at the “junior” stores as I headed into Lane Bryant to try and find something that didn’t look like my mom would wear it.

In college I lost a bunch of weight and for a short while got to shop at all those stores that I used to have to pass. It was fun.  But I was hungry. A lot.  And dating still sucked. Did I mention I was hungry a lot?

As the years passed and I got married and settled in to office cubicle life my waistline grew. Now at the age of 37 I am firmly in the “plus” camp.  And after having a baby my body also is no longer, ahem, “youthful.”

Do I wish I could have a supermodel bod with a non-appetite? Sure. But this is me.  All size 16/18 of it.  My weight fluctuates a little but I know I will never be a size 4.  Even in my “thin” days I was a size 8. Does this mean I am a sloth who does nothing but eat? No.  I am always trying to workout and move more.  But I also am living and have decided not to be tied to the number on the scale anymore.  Whether I am thin or fat I am still a person.  Living my life and I deserve to be happy and loved as I am.

I have been living my own body positivity movement for the past 10 years.

I had a friend post recently that she is afraid to put on a swimsuit this summer. She doesn’t like her thighs. What?  People, she is thinner than me.  She is gorgeous.  She is the person you want to see at the beach with a swimsuit on. Yet she is afraid of her body.

I want to tell all of you out there right now – Put on your damn swimsuit and swim! Run, skip and jump. And “gasp” put on a pair of shorts! Who cares if your thighs rub together or you have cellulite.  When it is 90 degrees outside the people around you are just thinking about getting to the closest air conditioned room, not the size of your thigh gap.

I will admit I used to be afraid of shorts. But then I moved to Florida.  Where you sweat in the shade.  Now I have a drawer overflowing with shorts.  And guess what? No one ever has said anything about my thighs.  There are so many clothing choices out there today.  And online shopping has made plus sizes more accessible than ever.  Treat yourself to some cute summer things and WEAR THEM.

Have your own body positivity movement. Life is too short not to wear shorts.

Gluten Free Banana Cream Pie Cupcakes

My son turned 2 years old last week. Everyone warns you the time goes fast and they are right.  I was looking at his baby pictures this past weekend and just couldn’t believe how much he has grown! Where did my baby go!?

Mom, I just want to touch the fire.  Please? Why are you blowing the fire out? I wanted to touch it! This was my son during the “birthday song”.

 

So this past weekend we threw a birthday party for him to celebrate. We made TWO cupcake recipes. Banana Cream Pie and Black Forest Cupcakes.  Here is the recipe for Gluten Free Banana Cream Pie.  Yummy and decadent, yet surprisingly easy since we used a boxed cake mix! (Betty Crocker to the rescue.  Awesome gluten free mixes). We finished this with homemade whipped cream frosting and chocolate “B” letters.

They turned out delicious! Try it and see for yourself!

Banana Cream Pie Gluten Free Cupcakes

Ingredients 

Cake:

• 1 – 15oz box of Betty Crocker Gluten Free Yellow Cake Mix
• 2/3 cup sour cream
• ¼ cup water
• 1 stick of butter (1/2 cup) softened
• 2 teaspoons of gluten-free vanilla extract
• 3 eggs
• 2 small bananas  (3/4 cup diced or smashed)

Pudding:

• 1 cup milk
• ¼ cup sugar
• 2 Tbsp cornstarch
• ½ tsp vanilla extract
• 1 ½ Tbsp butter

Frosting:

• 3 cups heavy whipping cream
• 1 packet (0.25 oz) plain gelatin
• 3 Tbsp cold water
• ¼-3/4 cup of powdered sugar – to taste
• ¼ -1 tsp of almond extract – to taste
• 1 tsp of vanilla extract

 

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Prepare muffin baking pan with liners.
3. Cream butter until smooth with electric mixer.
4. Add eggs one at a time and mix.
5. Add vanilla extract, bananas, sour cream, and water.  Mix to combine.
6. Add Gluten Free Cake Mix to the wet batter and blend with electric mixer until combined.
7. Pour batter into liners (about ¾ full)
8. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean
9. Remove from oven and cool on a wire rack

Pudding:

1. In a small saucepan, heat milk.
2. Add sugar and cornstarch whisking vigorously until combined and smooth.
3. Continue to whisk until mixture becomes thick.
4. Add butter and vanilla extract and mix to combine.
5. Allow to cool.

Frosting:

1. Place water in small pot and sprinkle with gelatin. Allow to sit for 5-10 minutes.  Whisk the gelatin and water in the pot and heat on low whisking until the gelatin is dissolved.  Remove from heat.
2. In a mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, whisk the whipping cream on medium high speed until in starts to thicken.
3. Add powdered sugar, vanilla, and almond extract.  Whisk and taste.  Some people like their frostings sweet and others less sweet.  I provided a rough range for the powdered sugar and almond to allow you to tweak the recipe to your liking.
4. Continue to whisk at medium high speed until the cream begins to get fluffy.
5. Slowly add gelatin while whisking until incorporated.

Preparation:

1. Cut a small hole out of the middle of the cupcake.  Save the top of the cut out.
2. Spoon about 1 Tbsp of filling into each cupcake and replace top.
3. Finish with frosting.

Notes:

• Ripe bananas provide much better flavor.
• The gelatin allows the cupcake frosting to set up and stiffen.  This is a great trick for keeping your whipped cream frostings looking perfect.
• Refrigerating the cupcakes will allow the frosting to slightly stiffen and allow the frosting to look and behave a little like a buttercream frosting.

 

Toddler Life

I vaguely remember my life pre-child.  Sleeping in, drinking hot cups of coffee, eating hot food while watching a TV channel other than Disney Jr.  Heck I think I even have memories of being able to read more than two pages of a book before passing out in exhaustion! Or talking to my husband about something other than our child, bills or our ever growing to do list around the house.

Parenthood is wonderful. It is also exhausting. We have entered the tantrum stage and I swear he knows to throw one just when they are least welcome.  Middle of aisle five at the grocery store because I wouldn’t let him climb the store shelves? Of course.  Out at the park because we need to leave? A given. Before or after his bath because he hates transitions? Why not.  And trying to put a diaper on him lately is like wrangling a snake.  He hates it and won’t sit still. He won’t use a potty either so wrangling him it is. I have taken to whatever distraction necessary to change his diaper.  Want to play with mommy’s phone? No, OK, how about this Ipad? No? OK, here are a pair of scissors…..ugh of course those would peak your interest….

 

Because wrapping paper apparently makes the best cape EVER

 

 

We have had to remove EVERY bar stool from our kitchen because he has become fixated with climbing them and then onto the kitchen counters. Which that alone is bad but then he proceeds to throw everything off the counters onto the floor, which in turn makes me a hysterical mess….it has not been a pretty sight at times in the Thomas household lately.

He is already fascinated with how things work and wants to fix everything.

 

 

But when the going is good it is amazingly beautiful.  He loves to cuddle up on our laps now with his blankets and will just turn around randomly to give us a hug.  I melt every time he does that.  His mental capacity to figure things out is growing leaps and bounds everyday. He is talking more.  Understanding more.  He understands what we say so much now that we have started spelling out words we don’t want him to hear. The problem with that is mom is NOT a great speller, apparently….

He has a slight blanket hoarding problem

 

He will be 22 months in a few days. Almost two years old.  I am continually grateful that he has come into my life and even though we have a lot of the these crazy days in our house currently, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  If you are in the thick of toddler life like me, remember you are not alone.  And people tell me there is this thing coming up in a few years  where the kid goes to this place for the whole day and you get the house to yourself. It is free and they are taken care of by a whole team of people. I hear it is called school…..

A Day in My Oily Life

Good morning! I thought it would be fun to invite you into my home and show you my typical oil routine. First up -Coffee!! And as I wait for my cup to brew I roll on my wrists some highest potential.

It is a blend of oils that sets my intention for the day. It combines the uplifting and inspirational qualities of Australian Blue with the power of Gathering to help bring greater unity of purpose. Jasmine is added to enhance self-confidence, while ylang ylang calms, soothes, and harmonizes.

Throughout the day it is my reminder to reach higher and think positive. I put a roller filament on the bottle so I just roll on my wrists and neck. I swear I have an extra spring in my step when I use this oil.

Who else out there has a love/hate relationship with the diaper pail? Lol. To cut down on the smell (and kill germs) when changing out liners I always spray down with the thieves spray. Awesome smell and I love that is all natural and don’t have to worry if Bryces hands go all over this diaper pail later in the day when he decides he wants to throw out his own diaper.  This spray is also great for shopping carts, toilet seats, airplane trays, TV remotes….anywhere there are germs!

Hands down my favorite diffuser combo. Peppermint and Lime. Reminds me of mojitos and summer. Try it next time and see for yourself!  I love diffusing my essential oils to make the whole house smell yummy while also benefiting from the aromatherapy.

Coming in from outside and washing our hands. I LOVE the thieves foaming hand soap. All natural, smells great and isn’t Bryce adorable? Lol. I am lucky that he likes to wash his hands. Even if it means him playing with the faucet for the next 5 minutes. The best part of this hand soap is it is all plant based ingredients and you can purchase a large refill jug that makes it cost effective and is environmentally friendly.

Bryce fell when he was outside so I used this great rollerball combo on him cleanse and protect the scrap he got on his knee.  This rollerball is so easy to make. Take a glass roller bottle and put 10 drops each lavender and purification or tea tree. Then Just put a little carrier oil in like grape seed to help oils spread when applied. Voila! Diy boo boo stick great for kids but I use all the time too. So convenient!

I have been trying to keep my New Years Resolution to move more and eat less.  I bought the Active and Fit Kit Young Living sells and LOVE both these products. The Cool Azul Sports Gel has 10% essential oils in it and the first ingredient in it is Aloe, making this product moisturizing as well as super cooling to your aching muscles and joints. And the Deep Relief oil works great as an “Icy Hot” type product.  One of my good friends just ran a half marathon and the next day she had no soreness! She swears these products helped her immensely recover from the run.

Need I say more? A great combo.  Also try adding a few drops of Lime Essential Oil into your fajita’s or Key Lime Pie recipes next time you make them.

My new anti-aging combo.  Frankincense essential oil has helped keep my complexion clear, reducing my age spots and overall giving me a natural “glow.” I mix it with Maracuja Oil, which I love for its lightweight moisturizing properties. Living in Florida my skin doesn’t handle well heavy moisturizers. I find this combo to be working great for me currently.

Ahhh….Bedtime. I love to put two drops of Valor on my feet before bed. It really helps my mind “shut” down and go to sleep. Thank you for following along with my day and I would love to hear what essential oils you must have in your “oily” day.

If you have not purchased essential oils and are interested in doing so, I recommend the starter kit. It comes with 11 essential oils PLUS a diffuser of your choice. Click here to learn more and purchase!

Maybe Reality Really Does Bite

I turned 37 years old yesterday. I didn’t think it was going to bug me. I mean, 40 is the new 30, right?

So I should be OK with turning another year older.  But I am a mess.  It isn’t the whole “I’m so damn old, woe is my aged self” thing that has me reeling, although I do confess feeling kind of old of late. It is the nagging “shouldn’t I feel like a dang grown up by now?” question. I am like, way far into this dog-and-pony show, right? At what point, exactly, will I feel like I am where I should be?  When will I feel like I have this life thing figured out?

I briefly considered diving into a good old-fashioned midlife crisis – but dipping my toe in those waters just doesn’t appeal to me. For one, I can’t drink a 21 year old under the table anymore, let us be honest here. And those clubbing clothes of my younger days? Let’s just say there is a reason there is not a junior clothing section for moms.

So the midlife crisis is off the table, which is for the best as I don’t have time to self-destruct just now. There’s really no spare time to blow everything up when you are just hoping to get your kid and yourself out the door with lunch packed and pants on both of you, seriously!

But what then? Or what now, I mean. Here I am being all old (but not), coming to terms with the idea that maybe, JUST maybe, this is all there is.

Maybe I am not destined to change the world, or even my little corner of it. There is no cosmic line to cross or switch I have to find to make things “the way they are supposed to be.” No fairy godmother is going to come donk me on the head and pronounce that I am now fully qualified for adulting and open a door to some wonderland land of perfection for me.

And then this thought hit me last night. Here in 2016 and MANY years away from my college degree, I have come to the realization that I’ve been on this planet for 37 years and still cope with stressful situations primarily through nacho consumption and wine drinking.

Maybe growing up is overrated. Pass me the nachos please.

That Runners High

Seriously. Can I be honest with you? I don’t get that “runners high” so many people chase by logging mile after mile running.  I actually hate working out in general.  I hate giving up carbs and sugar.  I love glasses of wine and big dinners.  I love Chick-Fil-A.   And I really love these things called Snicker bars.  But my weight is the highest it has ever been.  My energy levels?  Let’s just say I could fall asleep when Jeopardy is on TV.  I let my baby and work be the excuses not to do anything about it last year but this year it has to stop.  So I have started walking lots of miles.  I eat less “shudder” carbs.  And I am drinking less wine.

And this week? I ran. Almost a mile straight.  I thought I would pass out and my legs felt like jelly, but tomorrow I will do it again.  I am going to do it not because I get that runners high but because I want to smile when I see photos of myself  or pass a mirror.  I want to be able to keep up with my active son.  I want to like me more and I like me better when I try harder.

I realized if I am going to be a health and wellness advocate I need to physically be a better billboard! I am pretty sure that the run down, squeeze into outfits, can’t keep up with my toddler me is not the appearance I want to give off to others.  Nor is it how I want to be. I let denial rule me for so long but no longer!

The struggle is real though. There have been days this past month when working out didn’t happen. Or the Snickers bar magically appeared in my mouth somehow.  But I am not giving up.  So here is to month two:  Let’s do this!  Here is to trying harder and chasing that mythical runners high.

 

The Active & Fit Kit – Perfect for those after workout aches and pains

Omi Saves the Day

Back in December my son got kicked out of daycare for biting. He is 1 years old. Someday I will laugh at this but at the time I thought the world was ending with the amount of stress it gave me.  What to do, on top of the holidays, made me a mess. And people don’t have much sympathy when they hear it is a behavior issue.  The judging I felt I got from others plus the unsolicited advice from them was too much at times.  I am not in a situation where I can just quit my job and stay home.  But I also knew daycare was not a good fit for him.  He needed more attention and less of a schedule.  More time to explore and just be a kid.  Nanny?  More money than we could afford.  So what to do?

We are very lucky that my mother-n-law offered to watch him for us. So currently my mother-n-law lives with us during the week and watches him.  And in just one month he has made so much progress.  He rarely bites anymore and has calmed down.  He actually can concentrate on the task in front of him instead of bouncing around from one thing to another.  He smiles more. He sits on my lap and gives me hugs when I get home instead of the tears I was getting before. It is like he is a different child.  And of course I love the pictures she sends me during the day of him.  Their relationship is special and you can tell he adores her.

Upon reflecting on this arrangement of course I have mom guilt that I am not there. Every mom –working or not – has mom guilt. But I realize these days of him being with his “Omi” are precious. You see, she is his only grandparent. My parents are both deceased as well as Brian’s dad. “Omi” is it.  I was so close to my “Omi” growing up and am SO grateful that he is getting to know at least one of his.

Life has a way of pushing us where we need to go whether we are ready or not. Lesson learned.