Here are examples of things I say to other parents and then what I actually mean. The best part is that most people understand that I am talking about the long version without me actually saying it. Anyone relate out there?
What I say: I’m trying to potty train my kid but we are not there yet.
What I mean: My son pooped in the shower the other week and recently peed on my freshly cleaned carpet. He thinks an actual toilet should be where his toys are stored and has completely disassembled his “practice” potty. I am fine with using diapers. What size do they go up to again?
What I say: I am sorry I can’t go there today, my kid might fall asleep in the car on the way back.
What I mean: If my kid falls asleep for even 5 blocks on the way back, we will get home and I will be exhausted from whatever outing we just had but he will want to run around the neighborhood, and I will turn into crazy mommy.
What I say: I’m sorry I can’t go out tonight. It’s been a long day with the kid. He got up at 5AM
What I mean: At 5AM I was woken up in a way that is inhuman. My son was screaming for us in his crib and wanted up. I then proceeded to attempt to make breakfast while son is running circles around me and the cat is going nuts because I haven’t given her food. Breakfast ends up taking 30 minutes of rushing around grabbing food and drinks and cleaning up the ones that spilled and I didn’t get to even drink a cup of coffee. When I head out the door for work, I will have felt as if I worked a full 8 hour day and feel relieved that I get to go to my job which, to me, seems like a break since I can use the restroom at some point with no one screaming at me. After I get home, make dinner, do something that looks like a cross between eating and waiting tables, clean the house, bath the kid, brush his teeth, put PJ’s on him, read stories and wrangle him into bed, I then start the laundry and see it is already 9PM. I’m now so tired my eye balls are stuck looking at the wall so I technically I cannot make it to my car and safely drive. Have fun without me.
What I say: I have decided to “free range parent” with sleep training
What I mean: I am too exhausted at night to deal with his screaming so I do whatever it takes to get him to sleep. You want to sleep with mommy and daddy tonight? Fine. Just try to keep your feet out of my face. You need driven around the block because you decide you just don’t want to fall asleep any other way tonight? I’ll get the keys. Rock you to sleep while you hoard all 10 of your blankets around you because you suddenly decide one blanket is just not good enough? Fine. I am learning that as a parent getting them to sleep is more important then how it happens. Because once they are asleep for the night you finally can sleep!
What I Say: We are getting a date night this Saturday. I’m so excited
What I mean: Besides a “to do” list and talk about the kid, my husband and I haven’t had a real conversation in weeks. Nor have we been able to sit at the same table and eat a hot meal without getting up 10 times each. We haven’t seen a movie in over a year and we most likely will stay out too late and have to pay the babysitter overtime. When we come home we will feel like we took a vacation since we actually got to leave the house and relax while doing it.